Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
