It's Friday. Sex?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
