I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
