I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
