when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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