hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
