I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
