I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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