Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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