Swine flu. Run for my life!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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