i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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