I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
