I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
