you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
