No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
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