i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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