I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have grass duct taped all over my body
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
