It's just like the Real World with babies
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
