I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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