I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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