I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
