I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
