how can u be prego again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
