If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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