I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
