Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
