He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
