I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
