Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
