So drunk its hurt
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just invented taco cereal.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
