Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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