I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and she was petting her beer can
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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