His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
