why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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