I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
