mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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