I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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