Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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