he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
