ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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