I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
