They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
