Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
