You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
