Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
