so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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