these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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