If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
