those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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