You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
