Jerry, you need to find god
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
