Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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