You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
