At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
