she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
